Decision

Whether to sit or stand straight,

Whether to strol or run fast,

Whether to end or start,

Whether to go Left or Right;

No way is wrong or Right

Whatever path we take,

Whatever decision we make,

It's the individual's basic right;

But the only thing to contemplate

Is to consider what we can risk or take

As every path will ask for a bate,

So that better we can concentrate

©Anupam Mishra

Illusion

Throbbing within is a hurricane

To bring out horrific distructions

As is created in the heart of ocean,

Engulfing everything that gets in its motion

Asking answers for many questions

Considering the death and life of creations,

Gain and loss of each and every situations,

Deamanding the true meaning of every actions;

If everything that exists is just an illusion

Then how can we expect for anything genuine?

If the whole life is nothing but a dream

Then where is the question of being sane?

The body is just a chemical composition

That's going to break at its termination

Dissolving in the wind, land, sky and ocean

Then why to think for its conciliation?

When there isn't any rule of formation

Then why do we make customs and regulations

To enjoy the growth, development or distructions?

Why are there so many discriminations

That don't have any base or clarifications?

When there are oceans of thoughts within

Then why is there not a single spark of revotution?

@Anupam Mishra 

छिछोरे

#review
#moviereview
#छिछोड़े

हम सभी अपनी सोच को इतनी महत्ता देते हैं कि किसी और की सोच हमारे लिए कोई मायने ही नहीं रखती। हमें क्या चाहिए, हमारे क्या सपने हैं, हमारी क्या अपेक्षाएं हैं, हमारे हिसाब से ही हम अपने आस पास सबको ढाल लेना चाहते हैं।
चुकि,सब पर तो अपना बस नहीं चल सकता, इसलिए उन पर ही अपना जोड़ आजमाते हैं, जो हमारे ऊपर किसी न किसी तरह से आश्रित हैं।
कितने ही माता पिता अपने अपूर्ण सपनों को अपने संतानों के माध्यम से पूरा करना चाहते हैं। "तुम ये न कर पाए तो हमारी नाक कट जाएगी," "ऐसा नहीं बन पाए तो लोग क्या कहेंगे," "अगर ये तुम हासिल नहीं कर पाए, तो मैं किसी को मुंह दिखाने के काबिल नहीं रहूंगा," " वो मेरे टुकड़ों पर पलने वाले के बच्चे तो टॉपर बन गए पर तुम अगर इतना भी न के पाए तो धिक्कार है मेरी परवरिश पे!"

शिक्षा के क्षेत्र में दस वर्षों से तल्लीन हूं, हर नए वर्ष में नए बैच के साथ  नए नए माता पिता से भी मिलना जुलना होता रहा है। हर कोई एक जैसा नहीं होता! जहां आज भी कई परिवार शिक्षकों में गुरु का स्वरूप देख उनको वही आदर सत्कार देते हैं वहीं कुछ ऐसे भी होते हैं जो शिक्षकों को अपना गुलाम मानते हैं, क्यूंकि वो फीस जो भरते हैं, और यही सीख अपने बच्चों भी देते हैं।
पर इस बात से तो कोई भी माता पिता इनकार नहीं कर सकते कि उन्हें अपनी संतान सबसे प्रिय होती है। उनका मन हमेशा यही होता है कि उनके बच्चे हमेशा ही अव्वल आए। जिनके बच्चे पढ़ने में अच्छे होते हैं वो स्पोर्ट्स में अच्छा चाहते हैं, जिनके स्पोर्ट्स में अच्छे होते हैं वो पढ़ाई में अच्छे होते हैं और कई मोहतरमा को तो इसलिए परेशान देखा है कि उनका बच्चा स्पोर्ट्स और पढ़ाई दोनो में अव्वल आता है। उन्हें इस बात की परेशानी खाती है कि अगर उनके बच्चे को आइंस्टाइन या तेंदुलकर में से कोई एक बनना हो तो उनका बच्चा कैसे चुन पाएगा कि क्या करना है।

खैर, इन सब विषयों को छोड़ कर एक आम विषय पर आते हैं, कि आखिर में मां बाप अपने बच्चे से चाहते क्या है। कई  लाखों की संख्या में परीक्षार्थी परीक्षा देते हैं और चयन होता है बस चंद हजारों में, हर मां बाप का यही सपना होता है कि उनका बच्चा न छटे। यदि इंजीनियरिंग की बात करे तो हर बच्चा यही सपना पाल के रखता है कि एक लाख में अगर हजार को चुना जा रहा है तो वो हजार की श्रेणी में आए, जो 90,000 छांटे जा रहे हैं उसमे नहीं।
(2017 के JEE Advanced मे 1,200,000 परीक्षार्थियों में से सिर्फ 11,000 बच्चों का चयन हुआ था।
"15.93L students to compete for 76K UG medical, dental seats")

तो क्या इस जगह पर माता पिता और हम शिक्षकों का ये दायित्व नहीं बनता कि उन्हें जीतने के लिए तैयार करने के साथ साथ उन्हें ये भी समझना कि अगर वो उस 1000 में नहीं भी आ पाते हैं तो कोई बड़ी बात नहीं। उनकी तरह 90,000 और हैं। क्या वो सबके सब असफल कहे जाएंगे?
यही बात मुझे छिछोडे मूवी में बहुत चुभने वाली लगी, किसी नुकीली कांटे की तरह, जहां न जाने कितने ही बच्चे अपने आप को सिर्फ इसलिए नकारा और निक्कमा मानने लगते हैं क्यूंकि वो डॉक्टर या इंजीनियर नहीं बन पाते।
उसमे एक बच्चा सिर्फ इसलिए छत से कूद कर अपनी जान लेने की कोशिश करता है क्यूंकि उसका किसी परीक्षा में चयन नहीं होता जिसके लिए उसने 18 घंटे बैठकर तैयारी की थी। उसके मां और पापा दोनो ही टॉपर रह चुके थे, उसे इस बात का भय था कि उसकी इस नाकामी पर उसकी वजह से उसके मां बाप की बदनामी होगी।
और उसके कूदने के बाद पिताजी को ये समझ में आता है कि उन्होंने अपने बेटे से ये तो कहा कि उसके सफल होने पर वो सब उसको कितने धूम धाम से मनाएंगे, क्या क्या करेंगे अपनी उस प्रसन्नता में पर ये बताना भूल गए कि खुदा न खास्ता यदि असफल हो गए तो क्या करेंगे। सफलता के लिए तो तन मन धन सब खोल देते हैं पर असफलता पर सब बंद से हो जाते हैं। वो अपने बच्चे को समय पर ये शिक्षा नहीं दे पाते कि "तुम्हारा परिणाम ये निर्णय नहीं करता कि तुम जीते हो या हारे हो बल्कि तुम्हारी लगन, तुम्हारी कोशिश, तुम्हारी निष्ठा व तुम्हारी कर्तव्य परायंता इस बात का सबूत देती है कि तुमने क्या हासिल किया है।

हां, मैं भी असफल हुई थी। एक नहीं तीन बार प्रयास किया था, डॉक्टर बनने का पर नहीं कर पाई। पर आज जो भी हूं उससे काफी संतुष्ट हूं। जब अंदर झांकती हूं तो खुद पर हंसी आती है कि तीन वर्ष मैंने किसके लिए बर्बाद किए? मुझे तो खून देखकर ही चक्कर आते हैं। मैं किसी का घाव नहीं देख सकती। किसी का दर्द देखती हूं तो खुद भी रो पड़ती हूं। तिलमिला उठती हूं। भला मैं कैसी डॉक्टर बनती! ये कोई बहाना नहीं है, उस अंगूर को खट्टा कहने का जो नसीब न हुआ पर हां, खट्टे अंगूर मुझसे तो न निगला जाता है! और अपनी ये कहानी मैं अपने हर बैच को सुनाती हूं, ये बताने को कि उसमे असफल होकर भी मैं आज असफल नहीं। अपने आप पर गर्व है मुझे। कोई महल तो नहीं खड़ा किया है मैंने अपनी कमाई से, पर जो भी कमाती हूं पर्याप्त है, अपने लिए और अपने साधुओं के लिए। और उससे भी बड़ी बात ये है कि मैं जो भी कर रही हूं उसमे आंतरिक प्रसन्नता मिलती है, पूरे तन और मन के साथ अपने कर्तव्यों का पालन करती हूं। अपने परिश्रम को कहीं भी चूकने नहीं देती। जिनको पढ़ाती हूं, उनको ही अपना सर्वस्व मानती हूं। मेरे स्वामी, गुरु व सेवक सब मेरे विद्यार्थी ही हैं, जिनसे हर वर्ष अपने अनुभवों में कुछ नया जोड़ने को मिल जाता है।

©अनुपम मिश्र

Stranger

Beloved Stranger,

Be whoever or whatever,

Destructor or preserver,

Infidel or a believer,

It's under your power,

You are your controller,

Let me be your lover forever,

I know not if I'm too older,

For me age is just a number,

In heart I'm still a toddler,

Longing for your amour,

Reckoning you as my charmer.

No intention to tame you,

Neither to ever blame you,

If someone better meets you

And the new life needs you,

You are free to be just you,

I'll never be there to cease you;

For me it won't be an issue new,

Life doesn't remain pink or blue,

This is what I always knew,

With such experiences I grew,

I'll be the first to bid you adiew,

If you feel I mean nothing to you.

© Anupam Mishra

Random thought

People forget

what's left blank

displays much more

than a few scribbles;

As the enormous sky

with several wonders

Looks blank set

hiding numerous stars.

© Anupam Mishra

ए ज़िन्दगी

ए ज़िन्दगी,

तुझसे कैसी शिकायत,

कैसी तुझसे कोई बेरुखी,

हां, कभी तू लगती पहेली सी,

कभी इकलौती सहेली सी;

एक आंगन में पली बढ़ी

दूसरे आंगन को बसाने चली,

एक एक कर दो कलियां खिली,

दोनों ही तेरी छोटी सी दुनिया बनी;

तूने देखा मुझे कभी हारते हुए,

कई बार गिर कर आंसूं बहाते हुए,

और फिर उन्हें पोछ आगे बढ़ते हुए,

तू सांस देकर रही पीछे ढाढस बढ़ाते हुए;

हां, एक दो बार मन हुआ मेरा भी,

दुख के भार से बोझल होकर यूं ही

धोखे से छोड़ तुझे भाग चलूं कहीं भी,

मौत को लगा गले उसके साथ चलूं कहीं;

पर क्षणिक था वो ख्याल, आया उस पल ही

और उसी पल धुएं सा विलीन हुआ कहीं,

देख दुखों का बढ़ता बाज़ार आस पास ही,

भीतर का दुख सिमट कर रह गया भीतर ही;

न तो मैं पहली हूं यहां, न ही आखिरी,

जिसने तेरे संग की है कभी बद सलूकी,

तो कभी तुझ पर प्यार सारी उड़ेल दी,

एक एक बूंद तेरी दिल में अपने उतार ली;

कैसी हूं देख मैं तेरी कद्रदान मनचली,

जो भी राह दिखाती है तू, मैं उधर चली,

राह में मिलाएं तूने जिससे भी जहां भी,

सभी को दुआ सलाम ठोकती चली।

©अनुपम मिश्र

कविता

नमन नवोदित साहित्यकार मंच

दिनांक: 2/ 06/ 20

समय: 11:20 am

विषय : चित्र लेखन

विधा: कविता

शीर्षक: वृक्ष का क्रंदन

सांसों की अविरल धारा प्रवाहित है जिनसे,

रगों में रक्त का संचार संचालित है जिनसे,

भूख से तप्त शरीर होती तृप्त जिनके फल से,

उन वृक्षों की व्यथा क्या छिपी है किसी से?

आलीशान कंक्रीट के स्वर्णिम महल बसाने को,

इंसान काटता चला कितने ही वन उपवन को,

जिन्होंने अपने अस्तित्व से निखारा हर जीवन को,

क्या सुन पा रहा है मानव उन वृक्षों के क्रंदन को?

एक नन्हा सा बीज, न जाने कितना कुछ सहकर,

बढ़ता गया होगा, हर ताप, हर तूफान से लड़कर,

और जब वो लहलहा रहा होगा कहीं वृक्ष बनकर,

क्या रोया न होगा रोम रोम उसके कट के गिरने पर?

मानवी फितरत किसी को नष्ट करने की तो नहीं,

मानवता तो बस सृजनात्मकता पर टिकी है अब भी।

© अनुपम मिश्र

MNOP

Maturity comes with experience but

Naturally it can be nourished with the

Obstructions which test the level of

Perseverance, power and patience

Bringing out the inner strength.

©amritsagar

beeta kal

Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder

'Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.'

I wonder today

Why no one taught me

The most important

Lesson of life;

I was asked to dream,

I was asked to toil ,

I was asked to struggle

And then taste the fruits;

No one ever told me

I need to appreciate

Each & every achievement,

Eulogizing all my efforts;

I might have received

A pile of life's certificates,

No one will ever appreciate,

Unless I myself initiate.

The life itself taught me,

The basic essence of life,

To be happy & contented

I need to first love myself.

Yes, I'm beautiful,

Forgetting how fat or fair I'm,

Yes, I'm adorable,

Reckoning my eternal flavour.

Anupam Mishra

©anupamsabhivyakti

Nonsense Poem

An admirable ascetic advised an adventurous ant, 

Babbling brilliantly between big brown bugs bright,

Careless comrade considered the counsel corrupt, 

Dancing dangerously to discover delicious dessert,.

Enough energy exhausted expecting egoistic exit,

Failure fired the fakir's frown forcing the frog to faint, 

Getting golds greedy garden guard gambled for gift 

Hallucinated to harness hybrid horses of hill's height,

Imitated in ideal innocence, idle informer intelligent,

Jumping in jokers joy just to justify judgmental jest.

Kind king kindled key knowledge of kidding knight,

Lighting lamps for the laughs of lonely lark that's lost

Making mischievous monkeys maintain measurement

Nibbling nasty narcotics neutralizing nature's nest

Often objecting obstacles observed over odd old owl

Peacefully plucking pricky particles of pretty plant

Questioning on the queer qualified quick and quiet

Reviving the radiance of recorded rattling rational rant

Simply spending screaming self securing scant sight

Trusting the tender teams to tackle threatening tenant

Unique undertaker uses unicorn to understand unit

Variety of valuable vegetation veiled in verses vacant

Witnessing white walls washed in wintergreen want

Xeroxing the x ray of xmas in xanadu for xerophyte

Yet yelling at the yawning yak for your yellow yogurt

Zillion zoo zipped in the zombie's zooming zygote.

©amritsagar

Anupam Mishra

प्यार

प्यार का मतलब बताते फिरते हर किरदार

जब कि प्यार को कभी दिल में उतारा ही नहीं;

प्यार की रट लगा, प्यार के नाम पर रुलाते यार,

पर कभी प्यार की नींव को संवारा ही नहीं;

प्यार नहीं, हो जैसे कोई जान लेवा ज्वर बुखार,

ऐसे बिमार प्यार से दिल को कोई वास्ता ही नहीं,

प्यार में जिसे अपने स्वार्थ से बस सरोकार,

ऐसे नासमझ के दिल में प्यार कभी उतरा ही नहीं

प्यार में न कर ए अनुपम अपना सब न्योछावर,

ये प्यार टूटा है दिल में, तेरे बस का ही नहीं।

अनुपम मिश्र

Alphopp

#alphopp

Who

Wants to

Wander without reason,

Wishing to be unreasonable,

Whitewashing one's own perception won?

© Anupam Mishra

IJKL

I don't want to change you

Just do whatever you wish but

Keep it in your mind

Love is the foundation of life

Without which nothing can survive.

©amritsagar

TUVW

To learn something

Under pressure 

Very few people

Withhold their

Devotion and passion.

©amritsagar

EFGH

Eyes are waiting

For someone who

Gave the answer

Honestly how he hated me. 

Though I believe he'll come for me.

©amritsagar

Rooh

Easy now

Devotee of Yours

Andhi Kanoon

Adaptation

Science + haiku

Better to be alone

उस कवि से क्या कहूं

उस कवि से क्या कहूं

ख्वाब जिसने बुने कई

पर उन्हें कभी सजा न पाया,

दिल में उमड़ते तरंगों को

कभी शब्दों में गा ना पाया;

प्यार तो था बेशुमार भीतर

पर लबों पर कभी ला न पाया,

मन की बात मन में दबा गया,

राज सारे साथ अपने ले गया

कब्र में सब यूं ही दफन हो गया;

जीवन पर्यन्त बस यही मानता रहा,

शब्दों से उसका सरोकार नहीं,

भावों को शब्दों की दरकार नहीं,

भीतर के कवि को यूं ही घोटता रहा,

बिन कहे सुनाने का ढोंग करता रहा;

जहां संवेदना है, वहां कवि है,

कवि की भला कौन जाति होती है,

कवि तो हर रंग, रूप व भेष में है,

समय से परे वो हर परिवेश में है,

बस उसे शब्दों की गरज़ होती है;

©अनुपम मिश्र

तस्वीर

ये तस्वीर उतनी ही झूठी है

जितनी तकदीर अपनी झूठी,

एक पल में रंग बदलती है,

कभी लगती हँसीन तो कभी सूखी;

पता नहीं क्या जादू करती है

कि सबको खुद से बाँध लेती,

और खुद कल के पन्ने में कैद हो,

पंच तत्वों में लीन हो जाती है।

©अनुपम मिश्र

Heart to soul

Think not who I am,

Seek not where I am,

Feel it, I am within you,

Just listen to your beats within,

Let the enigmatic current rush in

With the help of your mind playing

From the heart to your soul.

Anupam Mishra

प्यार एक कारोबार

प्यार भी एक तरह का कारोबार है

कभी भी अप्रत्यासित मुनाफा या नुकसान

का सामना होता इसमें हर बार है।

कभी तो बिन मांगे प्रेम की होती है बरसात

तो कभी हृदय का आखिरी बूँद भी होता बेज़ार है।

जो टूट कर बिखर जाये या हो बेजान,

सबका मूल कारण बस गुस्ताख प्यार है।

Anupam Mishra

Desire

I wish if the roads too have spoken

Revealing who all have already trodden,

Giving the feedback for the destination chosen

Along with its own feeling and expression;

I'm very sure nothing would tend to destruction,

But each and everyone would get to perfection,

With the analysis of the results of every action.

The road has hidden so many stories within,

However the roads may be difficult or dim,

To explore I just need a company with Him.

Anupam Mishra

ख्वाईश

देखा है हमने एक एक कर सारे हाथ छूटते हुये,

कितने ही रिस्तों को बनते व बिगड़ते हुये,

अरमानों की सजी धजी सेज़ को उजड़ते हुये,

ऐसा नहीं कि प्यार भरा साथ नहीं मिला हमें,

पर जिस हृदयांगन में प्रेम के सागर की प्यास हो

उसे सरोवर की कुछ घूँटों से कहाँ चैन मिले,

अब तो इतनी ही ख्वाईश जेहन में ज़िंदा है,

इन सुलगती लहरों में तृप्ति का एहसास मिले।

©अनुपम मिश्र

कौन अपना आखिरी किरदार

पीछे मुड़कर देखती हूँ तो लगता है

अभी ही तो नन्ही नासमझ कन्या थी,

न जाने कब उम्र से प्रौढ़ युवती बन गयी,

हर पल एक नया किरदार निभाती रही,

जमाने के मुताबिक स्वयं को ढालती रही,

पर डर अब हमें भी वही सताने लगा है,

जिसने हर शख्स को स्तब्ध कर रखा है,

हमें भी इस मंच के छूट जाने का डर है,

क्या पता कौन अपना आखिरी किरदार है!

©अनुपम मिश्र

Disguised Death

How tranquil the whole thing seems like,

As if it's the perfect beauty one can admire,

But the reality is, it's the remains after a disaster,

It's the flood water, the resultant of heavy shower.

Anupam Mishra

दिमाग

दिमाग के पलरे को जो हलका कर लिया

तो दिल जीने न देता है,

सोचता तो कुछ भी नहीं

धड़क धड़क कर बावला कर देता है;

सिर्फ भावों से क्या होता है,

जीने को, सोचना भी तो होता है;

जो सोचा न, तो दिल टूटता ही रहता है।

©अनुपम मिश्र

Beauty

Beauty is nothing

But the way we see a thing,

For one it can be amazing,

for the other it can be depressing,

And for some it can be just nothing.

It's all dependent on the thoughts within,

We see or feel that we have taken in,

And that varies for each and every brain.

© Anupam Mishra

ज़िंदगी और मौत

ज़िंदगी और मौत का फासला इतना ही है

चाहो तो एक पल में ही तय कर लो

और चाहो तो राह परखते रह जाओ,

पर हर हाल मेें अंजाम होता एक ही है।

©अनुपम मिश्र

कब तक भागेगा

कब तक भागेगा रे बंदे तू?

रास्ते भले ही कभी खत्म न हो

पर तेरी साँसे तो रूक जायेंगी,

किसी भी मोड़ पर साथ छोड़ जायेंगी;

क्या बटोड़ने चला है आज तू?

बता कब तक संभाल रखेगा उसे तू?

तू तो कुछ पल बाद पंच तत्वों में घुल जायेगा

बता फिर अपनी अमानत कहाँ छोड़ता जायेगा?

©अनुपम मिश्र

Bike love

It's enough to have a few feet to stay alive

Far from the huge towers and luxurious ride,

Under the sun, near the shore with just a bike,

I can pedal around the whole day and night

Just to retain the tranquility gained in this plight.

©Anupam Mishra

चुलबुली खुशी

चुलबुली खुशी मदमस्त हो हृदय से मेरे झाँक रही थी

बाहर निकलने का रास्ता अपना टुक टुक ताक रही थी,

कुछ बेचैनी सी थी, कुछ घबराहट सी जो उसे दबा रही थी,

खुशी के हर उम्मीद व मौके पर वो डर का परदा डाल रही थी,

पर वो नादान ओठो से ही सही, मुसकान बन बाहर आ रही थी

हर छोटी से छोटी बात पर झूम कर नृत्य किये जा रही थी।

© अनुपम मिश्र

खुले में चलना

अँग्रेजी फ्रॉक पर पेंसिल हिल सैंडल डाल,

अपने ओंठो पर लगायी हमने लिपस्टिक लाल,

काला चस्मा आँखों पर चढ़ा चल पड़े मदमस्त चाल,

कॉफी हाउस में आने को उसने किया था हमें कॉल,

जिसकी तरह हम भी बनना चाहते थे स्वीट डॉल;

कॉफी का ऑर्डर दिया बढ़ाने को अपनी शान,

कुछ ही पल में कॉफी मिली करने को उसका पान,

बालों पर अटके चस्में ने चलायी अपनी ऐसी बाण,

फिसला मग हाथ से, किया कॉफी में हमने स्नान,

पेंसिल हिल की अपनी छूटने थे तभी ही प्राण,

पल भर में ही धूल गया अपना सारा झूठा सम्मान,

पर किसी की प्यारी एक बात ने डाल दी नयी जान,

"करना ही क्यूँ भला किसी की तरह बनने का प्रयास

जब खुद पर हो खुद को अटूट प्यार व विश्वास।"

बस फिर क्या था फेंका मग, उताड़ा सर से चस्मा,

खुले पैर फिर से शुरू कर दिया खुले में चलना।

©अनुपम मिश्र

फूलों में काँटें

पथ चाहे पथरायी हो या फूलों भरी

फर्क कहाँ पड़ता इससे कभी भी,

पग तो डगमगाते दोनो राहों में समान ही,

पत्थर के नोंक छिपे नहीं होते कहीं,

पर फूलों में काँटें छिपे होते कहीं भी।

©अनुपम मिश्र

लाल बिंदी

आसमान की लाल बिंदी धूँधली हो चली

अँधियारे ने सभी को अपनी छाव में ले ली,

पर इतना तो तय था, कल फिर एक नई सुबह होगी

कुम्हलायी बदरंग धरती फिर दुलहन सी सजेगी,

नई रौशनी में कई नई कहानियाँ लिखती जायेगी

और अंत में फिर यूँ ही अँधेरे के आगोश में सो जायेगी।

©अनुपम मिश्र

हथकड़िया खोल डाली

खुद को खुद ही हथकड़ियों से जकड़े रखा

न जाने कब तक खुशी को खुद में बाँधे रखा

दिल को हरदम ही सुकून ढूँढने में व्यस्त रखा,

जो था भीतर उसे भीतर ही कैद कर घुटते रखा,

आज खुद ही खुद की हथकड़िया खोल डाली,

जैसे चारों ओर बस नज़र आती अब बस हरियाली।

©अनुपम मिश्र

खुद से ही फिर से प्यार

फिर से उड़ने लगी हूँ उसी शिखर को छूने को

गिरकर जहाँ से कई बार उड़ना ही भूला दिया,

फिर से वही जूनून सा सवार हो गया है,

मुझे खुद से ही फिर से प्यार हो गया है;

डर नहीं किसी के तीर का जिससे जख्म गहरे हुये

डर नहीं भटकने या ऊँचाई से फिर गिर जाने का!

©अनुपम मिश्र

Freedom

Freedom

Let me be myself to have all the fun

Whether I soar high in the sky or run,

Let my fears get burned in the sun,

As my new era of life has already begun.

©Anupam Mishra

Power And Politics

Power had a tough time with the general public

Each one wished to show how one was specific,

Politics was lying idle watching all the rustic,

He called power to ask her to be realistic

And join politics to do the favour to the public.

Power didn't even want to think on this topic,

She joined Politics and was left with no power to think.

©Anupam Mishra

चाय

चाय

किताबों में जब उलझे रहे रात रात

ताकि कुछ प्रश्नों से पा सके निजात,

तब नींद की क्या ही थी बिसात,

चाय की चुस्की से देते उसको मात।

©अनुपम मिश्र

इंपोर्टेड

क्यूँकि मुझे देश से प्रेम है

देश की आबादी से प्रेम है

उसकी बढ़ती गरीबी से प्रेम है, 

मुझे तो इंपोर्टेड ही चाहिए।

दिखाए कैसे कि हम अमिर हैं

नहीं कोई गरीब फकीर हैं

हम तो अपनी हैसियत बनाऐंगे

इंपोर्टेड ला सबको दिखाऐंगे।

चावल, दाल, गेहूँ का दाम लगाने में

जाने हम कितना सर खुजाऐंगे

पर पिज्जा बरगर पे जमके लूटाऐंगे

क्यूँकि हम इंपोर्टेड ही खाऐंगे।

दूध, चीनी और चैन को तो वह तरसता है

जो भरी दूपहरी में खेतों में खलिहानों में

न जाने कैसी बेतुकी कसरत करता है

पर हमारा दिल तो इंपोर्टेड पर धड़कता है।

इससे भला हमें क्या फर्क पड़ता है

चाहे तस्करी हो या काला बजारी

हमारे घर तो सब आ जाता है

तभी तो इंपोर्टेड इतना भाता है।

(composed it 20 years ago )

©amritsagar

बेतूके सवाल

कितने ही सवाल ऐसे हैं ज़ेहन में

जो रहने न देते कभी होश में

ढूँढते जवाब बाहर भीतर

हर किसी के अवलोकन में।

सवाल यूँ ही न उठे मन में

परिणाम यह परिस्थितियों का जीवन में

शून्य ही था दिलो दिमाग बालपन में

जिसने जो कहा वही आया समझ में।

फरिस्ता बन कर आया कोई यौवन में

मांग भरी सब को साक्षी मान जिसने

मेरे सच और सपने सब बसते थे उसी में

सारी दुनिया सिमट गई उस एक में।

हमने देखा प्रेम की प्रतिमूर्ति उनमें

जो टूट गया कुछ ही दिनों में

गृहस्वामिनी बनाकर रखा था जिन्होंने 

गृहत्यागी बनने को मजबूर किया उन्हींने।

जिसके साथ बुने थे भविष्य के सपने

निकल परे वो करके उम्मीदों के टुकड़े।

दस साल बाद ये आई उन्हें समझ में

कि महत्व नहीं कोई हमारा उनके जीवन में।

तब से लगे हैं दिलो दिमाग में

अनगिनत सवाल यूँ रेंगने

कि सच और सपने के बीच में

पड़े फासले की दीवार लगे ढहने।

मिल जाते हैं जो भी राही राह में

उनसे ही लगते हम न जाने क्या पूछने

कि वह सर पकड़ दूरी बना लगते भागने

फिर भी इस विक्षिप्त को न आता समझ में।

©amritsagar

Simple Model

I'm not an eligent damsel

Nor a gifted exceptional mortal

But a simple surviving model

That knows what's fake or real

Even when everything is sureal.

©amritsagar

महादेव

प्रलयंकारी तांडव जन्मा जिनके क्रोध पर,

फुफकारता सर्प जिनके गले में लिपटकर,

बैतालों-भूतों की सेना जिनके निवास पर,

भागीरथी नाचती इतराती जिनके शिखर पर

महादेव ही तो हैं अनंत के अंतिम छोर पर।

यहाँ सब कुछ है घटता उनके ही ईशारे पर,

रात दिन भी आते हैं कैलाश से उतर कर,

लेश मात्र भी नहीं गौरव भोले के ललाट पर,

वह तो रहते लीन तपस्या में भांग पीकर।

श्याम को भी खिलाया उन्होने गोद लेकर,

सीता राम को पूजा उन्होंने सर झुकाकर,

षडयंत्र न समझ पाये भोले, वर दे देकर, 

हँसते हुये पी गये सारा विष गला दबाकर;

नतमस्तक है तन मन महादेव के हर अंश पर।

©amritsagar

Foolish Heart

It's not a big deal to get hurt

After all it's not so smart

To deal with every start

It's just a petty bloody heart. 

When dealing with the present

This half-wit dwells in the past

Repenting for the moments passed

Though nothing it can re-cast. 

Why does this moron forget

It can access only present

However it longs for the past

And wishes to change some part. 

Though possess all the respect

For the vivid emotions it felt

With the wanted or unwanted result

Bringing agony, ecstasy and trust.

©amritsagar

Prayer

Blessed are those who have eyes to see

To decide whether to choose 'A' or 'B'

As to add colours in life it's the only key 

Blessed are those who can listen

And assess the every drum beaten

From the range of the music chosen. 

Blessed are those who can express

Whatever comes in joy or distress

With words drenched in emotion to address.

Blessed are those who have a family

To not to let them ever feel lonely

But to support and guide uniformly. 

Thank Almighty for whatever you possess

Enjoy everything without expecting excess

And then on every stop you'll find success.

©amritsagar

हे राम

हे राम,

सुना है हमने

तू अंतर्यामी है

जगत का स्वामी है

पुरूषों में श्रेष्ठ प्राणी है

सर्वोच्च तू ज्ञानी है;

फिर क्यूँ  भला तू

माँ सीता के कहने पर

स्वर्ण मृग के पीछे भागा?

क्या सोच कर तुमने

उस ढोंगी के लिये

माँ को जंगल में छोड़ा? 

क्या सच ही उसने तुम्हे ठगा,

और माँ को चूरा ले गया

या तुमने सबको ठग लिया;

रावण से लड़ने की खातिर,

माँ को दाव पर लगा दिया!

मारना ही था जो रावण को

तो सीता के हरण से ही क्यूँ

क्या कोई अन्य उपाय न था?

जानकी माँ के वापस आने पर

करना ही था जो उनका परित्याग

तो भला ली अग्नि परीक्षा क्यूँ;

जला न सके जो उनकी निर्मल छवि

फिर जलाया उनके अंतर्मन को क्यूँ? 

©amritsagar

कविता क्या है?

एक स्वच्छंद भाव है

अंतः तरंगों का उमराव है

आकांक्षाओं का बहाव है

जिसे शब्द लड़ीयों में पिड़ोकर

अनुभवों का आवरण चढ़ा

समर्पित कर दिया जाता है

एक तीर से न जाने कितने

तीक्ष्ण बाण छोड़ दिया जाता है।

हृदय का दर्पण है यह

उद्देश्यों का समर्पण है यह

उन सभी को अर्पण है यह

जो नौ रसों का करते अनुसरण है।

©amritsagar

भिखारन

देखा है कई बार

हमने सड़क के उस पार

एक स्त्रि को निराधार

बेबस और लाचार

जो चिथरा बिछाकर

रोकने को नवजात की चित्कार

करती खुद पर प्रहार

देती गालियाँ दो चार

माँगती दुआऐं हजार

इस उम्मीद में कि कोई तो

दे दे कुछ वहाँ आकर।

सोचती मैं उसे देखकर

क्या मजबूरी नहीं जहाँ में

उससे कोई भी बढ़कर

जो करने को जीवन बसर

हाथ फैलाना पड़े हर मोर पर,

क्या इतना है कर्मों का भार

जो दब जाता हर भीख पर? 

काश कि वह समझ पाती 

ज़िंदगी नहीं ऐसे जीयी जाती

तो यूँ न अपना पेट पालती

पर शान से जी रही होती

कर्म के फल खा रही होती।।

©amritsagar

My Moon

My Moon

I sat in stillness all alone

One night under the sky

When all slept except the moon

Who greeted me with eternal smile

In silence we converse for a while

And then bid each other bye.

Zealously to meet him I came out

After a long day on the other night

But he was nowhere in the heaven

Though the stars were scattered there.

I woefully missed his presence

As I'd to say something in his agile ear. 

I thought he too had ditched me

Like the other important ones in my life

So in annoyance I sat in the dark. 

To my astonishment he came back

With the same smile he materialized

Provoking me to forget what's passed. 

I asked, "Where have you been?"

He just smiled saying nothing

Silently training me to get habituated

With whatever has been happening.

Now I could see him grow and disappear

With the same love and warmth forever.

©amritsagar

Anupam Mishra

यदि

 If by Rudyard Kipling

तुम अपने संयम को बाँध पाओ यदि

बाकि सब उसे खोने लगे फिर भी,

दूसरों के तुम पर शक के बावजूद भी यदि

आत्मविश्वास बनाये रखो औ' उनकी भी सुनो,

तुम यदि इंतज़ार करते हुये न थको कभी,

फिर दूसरों के लाख झूठ पर न झूठ बोला यदि, 

चाहे कोई तुमसे कितनी भी घृणा करे तुम न करो यदि

इतना कर सकने के बाद अपना बड़प्पन जो न दिखाओ यदि:

यदि तुम सपने देखो औ' उन्हे अपना स्वामी न बनाओ

यदि तुम सोच सको औ' उन्हें अपनी मंजील न बनाओ

यदि तुमहारे आगे जीत आये या फिर हार

दोनों फरेबियों का करो तुम एक सा सत्कार, 

यदि तुममें अपने बोले सच से जूझने की क्षमता हो

चाहे उसे धूर्तों ने कितना ही विभत्स कर दिया हो,

या फिर जीवन के उपहारों को टूटते देखने का सामर्थ्य हो

और फिर उठकर उन सब को इक्कठा करने की हिम्मत हो:

यदि जीवन भर की सारी उपलब्धि को इक्कठा कर तुम

किसी खेल की भाति नेक इरादे से जोखिम में डाल सको

और सब लूट जाने के बाद भी, फिर से आरंभ कर सको

और कभी किसी नुकसान को याद कर खुदको न कोसो,

यदि तुम अपने दिल, दिमाग और तन की शक्ति को

अंत आने के पूर्व, अपने हिसाब से प्रयोग में ला सको,

और सब खत्म होने के बाद भी यदि होश में रहो

खुद को संभालने वाले इक्छा शक्ति को जो बाँधे रहो:

यदि तुम आम लोगों के साथ शीलता से बाते करो, 

और किसी राजा के साथ चलते हुये भी सामान्य रहो,

यदि तुम्हारा प्यारा दोस्त या दुश्मन कुछ न बिगार सके,

यदि तुमहारे लिये सब समान हो, कोई छोटा बड़ा नहीं, 

यदि तुम एक निष्ठुर निर्दयी मिनट को उपयोग में ला सको

उसके हर एक सेकंड को सफलतापूर्वक अपना सको,

ये धड़ती और उसकी सारी सुख संपत्ति तुमहारी होगी, 

और - उससे भी ऊपर - मेरे बेटे तुम एक इंसान बनोगे।

©amritsagar

अब और नहीं

कब तक यूँ शब्दों से भ्रास निकालेंगे

दरिंदों को कब तक हम और पालेंगे?

बस बहुत हुआ अब मोम से प्रतिकार

अब हम उठायेंगे अपना हथियार,

चून चून कर करेंगे उन पर घातक वार

जिन्होेंने छीना उनसे जीने का अधिकार

जो बस अभी हुये थे चलने को तैयार।

क्यूँ  हम ऐसे हैवानों को पनपने देंगे

जो बस मासूमों की आबरू से खेलेंगे?

धिक्कार है उस शैतान की जननी को

जिसने कोख में पाला खूनी नेवले को

अभिशाप बनकर बेखौफ रौंदता है जो

कितनी ही निरीह कलियो औ' फूलों को,

वक्त है अब भी मार दो उस खूनी संतान को।

कितने कुकर्मों पर हम बस बौखलायेंगे

दो चार गालियाँ देकर फिर चुप हो जायेंगे?अ

यूँ ही अगर इन वारदातों को भूल जायेंगे

निर्दयी दानव कितने निर्भयों को खा जायेंगे, 

अब और नहीं, इन कपूतों को हम दिखायेंगे

कि कैसे चील कौवे इन्हें नोंच नोंच खायेंगे

औ' हम कोई और मातम नहीं,जस्न मनायेंगे।

*एक कोशिश 

आस पास दिखे यदि कोई भी भेड़िया भेड़ बना

कर देना तुम आसपास सबको चौकन्ना।

बेटिया नहीं रही बस सजावट का गहना

तुम उनको सख्त औ' सशक्त जरूर बनाना,

जो धोखे से भी कोई दुष्ट चाहे उनको छूना

आये उन्हें उसका हाथ पैर तोड़ गिराना।

हो चाहे कोई, हर पूकार को तुम सुनना

न जाने उनमें से कोई हो अपनी ही बहना।

©amritsagar

Rhyme A- Z

An ant was angry

Big boy burnt its bakery

Cunning cat cut its cutlery

Dummy dog dried its dairy

Eating its eggs eagle enjoys enemity

Funny fat fish fought in fury

Good gracious goat gave her a guinea

Helping her to have herbs healthy

Intelligent I immitated ice idly

Juggling joker jumped on jam and jelly

Kind king kept the kangaroo's key

Lion lent the last leaf to lamb lovely

Man mastered my mischievous monkey

No one knew the nosy nurse of nanny

Owl with others objected for oats only

Parrot and penguin packed paint patiently

Quiet quilt of the queen quacked quickly

Rusty rabbit ran on the road rapidly

Sunny stag sent the son to stand strongly

Twisted tomato took two ties for teddy

Unlucky unicorn united uncle with ugly

Voilent Vegetables were valued in the valley

Windows wished to wander with the wind

X rays of the x mas trees were there in the box

Yak played with the yoyo for the whole year

Zip of the zebra looked like zero to the zoo. 

© Anupam mishra

मुझमें ही है राम

मुझमें ही है राम, मुझ ही में रावण,

कभी मैं बनूँ राम, तो कभी मैं रावण।

जब तक प्रेम के वश में रहूँ, मैं रहूँ राम,

प्रेम को वश में 'गर करूँ तो मैं रावण।

परमार्थ जियूँ जब तक, मैं रहूँ राम,

पर हो 'गर स्वार्थी जीवन, तो मैं रावण।

सारा जग मुझमें है, मै सारे जग में

अहम से निकलूँ 'गर, मैं हर कण में।

मैंने कल जन्म लिया था यहाँ

कल मुझे ही छोड़ना है ये जहाँ।

हूँ जगत के इस पार आज मैं ही,

उस पार भी जाना है कल मुझे ही।

मै नश्वर हूँ, जल जाएगा ये शरीर,

मैं ही हूँ आत्मा, जो रहेगा अमर।

मैं हूँ शून्य, उसका पूर्ण भी स्वयं ही

शून्य - पूर्ण की अनंत कड़ी भी मैं ही।

मैंने पाप किया है, किये पुण्य भी

मैंने कष्ट दिया है, भोगी भी मैं ही।

जो भी लूटाया है, उसे ही पाया भी,

कर्म हूँ मैं और परिणाम भी मैं ही।

मैं ही सत्य हूँ और मैं ही मिथ्या,

मै ही नाविक हूँ और मैं ही खेवैया।

मैं ही प्रश्न हूँ और मैं ही उसका उत्तर

जो भी ढूँढू वह सब है मेरे ही भीतर।

जो अँधेरापन है, उसकी रौशनी मुझीमें

जो मेरी मंजिल है, राह उसकी मुझी में।

मुझमें ही है अमृत, विष भी है मुझी में

जो दर्द है भीतर, उसकी दवा भी मुझी में।

मैं विजयी हूँ और पराजित भी मैं ही

प्रेम को जीता है मैंने, हारा भी प्रेम से ही।

मैं ही शोला हूँ, और शबनम मैं स्वयं ही, 

मैं ही कर्त्ता हूँ, उसका स्त्रोत औ' प्रारब्ध मैं ही।

©amritsagar

ABCD

All is in His hands

But that doesn't make Him

Culprit of your deeds. 

Don't forget the eternal truth

'What you do results in your fate'.

©amritsagar

Enakshi

Elky Eyed, Extremely Energetic, Emotional, Elegant,

Naughty Nagger, Natural Narrator, Never Noiseless,

Active, Amiable, Adorable, Adventurous, and Alert,

Keen in Kindling the Key Knowledge of kiddiness,

She Smartly Stimulates the Significant Sentiments;

High Hearted, Heavenly Honoured Hopeful Heiress,

Identified as Inspiring Innovative Innocent Intelligent.

Anupam Mishra

Aakanksha

Arduous, Ambitious, Appreciative, Authentic Author,

Attractive, Attentive, Affluent and Accurate Analyzer,

Kinesthetic, Key Knowledgeable, Keen Kindle Keeper,

Almighty Adherent, Admirable Academic, Able Arguer,

Noble Numeral, Neat Negotiator, Natural Navigator,

Kind Hearted, Karma follower, Knight in armour,

Social, Schematic, Self educated, Smart Silent Seeker,

Hesitant, Humble, Honest, Happy Heavenly Healer,

Amazing Artist, Amusing Admirer and Ace Actor.

Anupam Mishra

Who's next

Grief

Now Better

He

I learnt

She

She escaped

without

saying a word.

Anupam mishra

इश्क का नूर

तेरे इश्क का नूर यूँ छाया हम पर

कि हमारी नज़रों को आया नज़र

बस तेरे नम शबनमी आँखों का मंजर

जिसमें न जाने था कौन सा समंदर

जो डूबोये जाता रहा हमें अपने भीतर।

 

तुम तो एक झोंके के साथ सामने आए

और फिर अलविदा कर निकल दिए

साथ में अपने, तुम चैन भी मेरा ले गए

पर हम तो जो डूबे थे, यूँ ही डूबे ही रहे

बंद आँखों से बस यादें निचोड़ते रहे।

 

कैसे भूलाए तेरी नज़रों के सुरमयी नूर को

जिसके पैनें तीरों ने किया घायल रूह को।

तेरे मदमस्त नैनों ने ऐसा उत्तेजित किया मन को

कि तेरे सिवाय कुछ सुझता ही नहीं उसको

चंचल बोलती आँखों को कौन कहे भूलने को?

 

हम पर नहीं इस बात का रत्ति भर असर

कि तुम्हे नहीं हमारे अस्तित्व की कोई फिकर

दिल को कहाँ समझ आती है तेरी अकर

ये तो बस भीतर बाहर सबसे जूझकर

खोया रहता है तेरे नज़रों के इंद्रजाल पर।

Judgemental

Dear friends

Today people from all around will be there to give you tips and instructions on how to live your life. Whether it is food habits, your interest and hobbies or even the way you live your personal or professional lives. Ironically, they don't bother for any of your achievements or loss, while in a few cases your triumphs may make them go nuts with the thought that why it came to you and not them but your failure can make them contented as they feel safe.

I don't ask you to ignore those instructions which obstruct your intentions but at least assess on your own what you wish from your life.

I would share my personal experience. I always wanted to obey others and do as they wished me to act. I tried my best but I failed all the time as I could not follow anyone in the same way as I was asked. I instinctively added my own flavour to my actions.

Like to make others happy, I wanted to be a doctor, though I myself felt unconscious with the sight of blood and couldn't stand in front of even the simple wound or cuts. Apart from that, I was not at all made to be a doctor as I was just an average in mathematics and chemistry was not my piece of cake. No doubt, I tried my best. I studied for more than 10 hrs a day. Made notes of all the subjects. But couldn't make it. I failed. Though that failure is the biggest reason for the achievement of present.

Then I'll give another example,  I was asked to treat my husband not less than god. I did that to such an extent that I never felt the existence of my own identity. He had been everything for me, my guide, my friend, my boss and my life. But it didn't take much time to end my devotion and respect. The most important part of my life left me at that point where I had nothing to rely upon. Still being a woman I was considered the culprit. No one from there who used to give me various instructions were there to share my pain or even to listen to my shrieks.

Looking at the general fashion, I started to groom myself physically, from a lady much beyond the age I changed into a smart and glamorous physically fit woman. Despite doing that I didn't find any change in my inner self. I started to do what I always loved. Physical exhaustion has been my favourite pass time. As people around me know me for my infinite energy level. I started cycling for long distances. Teaching is not just my profession but that's a life driving force for me. My students are everything for me as whatever I've become it's just because of them. Every batch comes with new vigour and new charm leaving many things for me before they leave.

So, once I got what I wanted ignoring the critics around me, I stopped taking care for my outer looks.

And honestly speaking even though I'm too fat today, may be a combination of Karina, Katerina and Ravina, I see myself as an enchanting lady every time I look into the mirror. No one needs to tell me that I look fat and I need to reduce weight as I know what I'm doing is enough for me. I can cycle for 100kms without any pain, I can run almost 10 kms occasionaly without any complain and I can manage all my work on my own. I've a healthy diet everyday. I drink a lot of water. I am physically active doing my daily chores. What else do I need to do?

I love myself. I love what I am. I love what I do. I love what I possess. I love everything around me. I love both my haters and my lovers. I love to live and will accept death with the same affection.

©Anupam Mishra

From the post of Mirakee!

Forgotten Memories

I remember myself as the most mischievous child that I've ever met. I was the captain of my family's bacha party  being the eldest. My papaji has been such a kind of social worker that he cannot be considered less than any NGO who has got several guests everyday at his door for his help. 

Maa used to be busy with the guests throughout the day in her kitchen.Taking the advantage of my busy parents, I did everything that any child wishes to do, from tearing important sheets of paper or breaking the glasses. I remember once I broke the television to find what was going inside that. 

Though I did everything to get slapped on hourly basis, I used to play the nuisances so well that through out the day I along with my gang stayed away from the sight range of maa. If she saw us, it was sure that we would get 2/4 chappals. 

There was an under construction hospital near our home. We were playing there with the stones, sand and cement. To bathe in mud and play holi with the sand had its own charm. The labours working there were never happy with us. Once they got angry and scolded me as I was the one giving instructions to everyone. One of them said, "These scoundrels will ruin the cement. Even a single drop of water can ruin the whole sack." 

It was just enough to provoke me and take the revenge. In the evening when they left for their home after their daily work, I reached there with my gang and opened the tap. We ran back to home. 

In the morning I went there to get an idea of the situation. All the sacks filled with cement were covered with water. 

The labours came to my home and complained to my papaji, "Saheb, this eldest girl is a Shaitan. She has ruined all the sacks of the cement. Punish her for what she has done or we will break her legs if she comes in our vision." Papaji had to pay for the cement that we had ruined. 

I hid myself behind the curtains for about an hour, singing some english songs, "He is a boy. They are men. Let me enjoy. I wish to fly in the sky. La la la la laaa." These were the only few sentences that I could frame at that time. 

Papaji couldn't find me to teach me a lesson with few strong slaps. When he was having his lunch he saw me playing with the tail of a dog. He asked me to leave it but I kept on playing. Without finishing his lunch he ran after me but couldn't catch me. After some time he got tired and sat in a corner. I went near him and asked him to slap me. But he just looked at me, smiled and then got busy with his work. May be he recalled his own childhood and saw himself in me that day. 

It was an other day. May be some holiday. I played for about 3 to 4 hrs in the intense heat and in the evening returned home. We used to start with a game and never ended with that. If we started with kit kit, we might be finishing it with wrestling or some debate of the extreme level. After I came home, Maa didn't ask me many questions as she too was extremely tired. She just asked us to study for a few hours for which of course we sat but did everything else than reading books. I showed my authority on my younger siblings. Even if they used to get a chocolate, they had to share it with me. I had such power at that time that my chores were completed by my younger siblings. "Hey, get me a glass of water, " and the glass would be ready,  "Hey, bring my pencil box and sharpen my pencil," and it would be done. 

In the morning maa used to be too agitated to be handled, thinking about the whole day she had to pass with kids like us and her unwelcomed guests. She should have been a detective if not just the housewife. She could sense each and every change that no one could have observed. She looked at my bare foot and said, "Hey, where are your new chappals? I didn't see that yesterday when you came from your field. What did you do with them? Did you lose it again? "

I looked at my feet and couldn't recall anything but maa was not ready to listen to me at that point. She made an announcement, "If you don't get your chappals then don't come home. Stay wherever you wish to."

It was 7 in the morning when I went out. For two hours I wandered all around but in vain. I was scared to go home. I was sure if I had entered home, maa would have washed me like the dirty clothes. 

So I sat near an old wall just sharing my problems with them. There was some shining stone in one of the fissure of the wall. I placed my hand in the hole just to scream in my loudest voice. But no one could listen me there. I had seen a little snake in that fissure which kissed my ring finger. I ran upstairs to tell everyone that I was going to die. I got my younger sister there and said her about the snake bite. Horror could have been personified that day. My maa and buwa broke their glass bangles as if I had already died. Then my papaji took his lungi and using that made a big knot to tie my wrist so that the poison would not spread.On a bike like 'three idiots' I was taken to the hospital. It was 10am by then. The hospital used to open by 10:30am. Still the compounder there cut my finger with a blade and said, "Now the poison won't pass in your body."

The whole day I was in the hospital under the surveillance of the doctors. I was neither allowed to drink water nor sleep. However I've never felt such thirst to that level till date. No one was offering me water for the dry throat though it was passed through the saline. Everyone who came to visit me asked the same story, "How did the snake bite you?" I really don't remember how many times I'd repeated the same story. But these visitors as well as the doctor's didn't allow me to close my eyes. By 8pm I was relieved and sent back to home with my family. Then I really understood and experienced how much my family loved me.

My maa and papaji didn't touch water till they were assured that I was safe. 

No doubt, though how mischievous I had been, my family loved me a lot without any condition and couldn't afford to lose me at any cost.

As wasn't as mischievous in the school as I was at my home. My teachers loved me a lot. I have not forgotten my class teacher Lizy miss, who taught us Maths.Oh,so sweet she was. Sahji sir (my childhood crush) who taught us English and had been the funniest teacher I've ever met and then we had Bizu sir whose general knowldge lessons I've not forgotten yet. They were just excellent and whatever I'm today, I'll give most of my achievements credits to them though I couldn't find them anywhere after the school days. They moved to Australia, America, Canada, as I came to know from my school's principal when I went to visit my school after my tenth.

Getting back to my behaviour. It was too much for my parents to bear me anymore. Afterall a girl should be humble and quiet but not bubbly like me. My parents were advised that I should be sent to the girl's hostel. I don't know what kind of fascination it brought in my childhood life, I just wanted to go to the girl's hostel in Bansthali (India's best girl's hostel was known to be there). I saw the prospectus and fell in love with that place. Oh! That horse riding scene, those taikwando dresses, the special uniform, the huge well maintained playground and those smiling faces printed on the prospectus were so appealing that I started to prepare for the entrance exam of that school.

The only thing was that there the admissions started from class 6th and I had given the final examination of my 4th grade. But that was not an issue as my age was higher than the 4th graders as I started school with three schools. (I'd been in nursery thrice. As my papaji was experimental. Third time he got the better school and I continued there.)

My papaji had struggled a lot to get a good tutor for us. I have a few faded memories of the ones whom I troubled so much that they had to run away not to return. But there is always an end of every power. Finally papaji got someone who was much more crueller than me. Oh! Just recalling him is so painful, I don't know how I'd to adress him as 'sir' for almost a year. I felt myself as a guinea pig. His punishments were such that I wanted to be like 'Foolan Devi'(the lady goon). He used to ask me to stand with my hands straight hanging up for more than an hour just for not doing the homework. For a single mistake he used to place a pen in between my fingers and pressed it as hard as he could.

Once I couldn't remember the whole grammar book he had copied in my notebook and I hid it somewhere.  For that he gave me several pokes from the sharp edge of the pen on my head. I can never forget that unbearable pain. But I was not as lucky as the kids of this generation where the teachers don't have any right even to touch or use any kind of sarcasm for the students.

He promised my parents that he would prepare me for the Banasthali's school.

Before he could say me anything, I finished all the exercises of Maths, science and English within two months.

He said to my papaji, "I've trained the rotten girl. Now she can perform better and can appear for any competition."

I knew what he had done, just generated a fear in my petty mind and I didn't want to give him any chance to show his excellency over me. At one point I was so fed up of that tutor that I just wanted to run away from my own house at any cost.

Anyhow, now I was ready for the test and was determined to get a place in my dream school.

The things never go in the way you wish. It may come to you but you might have forgotten that meanwhile. A new Bengali renter came as our new neighbour. My papaji used to choose his renters in the same way as any father chooses a groom for his daughter. The Bengali ayuvaidic doctor qualified on the terms and conditions of papaji and stayed in our flat that was for rent.

He too had a daughter and she was luckily of my age. To add on, she was in a hostel but not in Banasthali. Now my papaji got all the information from that renter about the hostel which can be considered as "Sasti Banasthali". He impressed papaji in such manner that within a week papaji took me there with the whole family. And the best thing was that this Sasti Banasthali had classes starting from 1st grade. So there wasn't any issue in getting admission in the 5th grade.

I was still dreaming for my Bansthali school and its presentations. But there was something else waiting for me.

It was the June of 1996. The whole family reached there. It looked like a deser. My heart was throbbing. I begged papaji, "Please papaji, don't even think of leaving me here. I may die here. There is nothing like the school I've always dreamt for."

Papaji said, "Don't worry beta! If you don't like I won't leave you here. We are just checking this place. Assessing the things. You give the test and then we will decide."

I went for the entrance test. To the examiner's surprise I finished the paper within half an hour which was scheduled for 3hrs. None of my answers were incorrect. Getting impressed with my performance, the examiner gave me the questiom paper for the 6th grade. That too was done within another half an hour and yes, all correct. So now the examiner gave me the paper for the 7th grade admission. Oh! That too was not tough for me. Except the two questions: What is light and what do we learn in chemistry.

I got 75% marks in the assessment. Within three hours it was decided that I should get the admission in 7th grade. After doing all the formalities, my parents left me saying that they will come next sunday and if I didn't like the place they would take me home.

Since 2nd June when my parents left me in the hostel it was not possible to spend even a single day there. I couldn't feel the warmth there but alienated. I used to address my class students as 'didi' and they used to laugh at me.

I still remember how I asked many of the girls in the first meeting itself, "Will you be my best friend?"

I don't know what was written on my face no one became my friend. And this loneliness made me sick. I couldn't even go to the school because of the high fever. There was a seperate hostel for the sick children. It's name was 'Arogya Bhavan'.  Almost 10 hostels were there in the huge campus. It was not less than a village but looked very artificial as is shown in the movies ('Sholey' or 'Bibi ho to Aisi').

I stayed there in the Arogya Bhawan for about a week. From the roof of the Arogya Bhawan the road was visible. I used to stand there for hours waiting for my parents everyday. Every jeep that used to cross looked like my father's and brought back dying life in me just like a short breeze on the hottest summee day. This waiting had become intolerable for me. I just wanted to run away from that foreign land. I heard about a few girls who tried to run away but were caught by the guards. But I should have really ran away if I knew how to go back home. My home was about 12hrs distance from the hostel. (distance was not such but the road condition was the trouble that time.)

Till Sunday I waited in the sick hostel hoping that by then my parents would definitely come. But they didn't. I cried the whole day and night on that Sunday and became worse. Now I felt somewhere that my parents had got rid of me. They must have forgotten me as I was just a trouble maker for them. I knew that no one was going to come back just for a girl like me. Still in my painful cry I tried to send them messages through wind, through sun, through moon and stars. Unfortunately my pain never reached them. On Monday noon I came back to the hostel to take something from my luggage box kept in the hostel. What I saw there was horrible. Till then I had only heard about thieves in stories or news but it was before my eyes. I saw the old hostel warden taking oil from one basket, soap from other, money from a purse of some girl. I just watched her like detective and after watching her doing the same thing for an hour I slipped out. That evening I was sent back to the hostel as my fever had subsided. Physically I was better but psychologically I remained the same.

Our hostel was quite big one named 'Magadh'. All the students of 7th & 8th grade, almost 100 girls stayed there in that huge hall. How fortunate I had been that I got the same old thief warden, Shail didi as my neighbour. The way she used to see, I felt all the witches of the fairy tales smiling at me. Next morning at 4am a bell rang and that old lady started to shout with the bell, "Aye idle girls, scoundrels, fools, idiots, bastards wake up! Wake up! Do your work. "

I was surprised at such time what work was allotted and why she was abusing all the girls just to wake them up. However cluesless I was that didn't matter much. I too had to wake up and got a broom like all the other girls to clean the hostel and campus.

Yes, all the hostel chores were done by the girls there. No maid, no staff. Girls did everything. That was the start of the day. By 5am everyone had to run for the physical training and yoga for 1 and half hour and then by 7am we were there in the long line waiting for our breakfast.

Within 15 minutes we finished our breakfast and reported in the school hall for the prayer which was not so far away from the hostels.

Then at 12pm we used to get our lunch but the best part was that we couldn't touch it till 12:30pm by then all the 600 girls used to be served. We didn't sit idle for that half an hour. We had to recite Geeta's 4th or 5th chapter and then a few 'doha' in unison. I loved that though. That mesmerizing music still hovers somewhere in my memories.

After lunch we had our school till 2:15 pm. By 2:30pm we reached our hostel and then we had our study hour till 4pm. Then we used to get evening snacks just to be geared for the second set of work. Again in the evening we had to repeat the same cleaning process what we had done at 4am.

After that only we used to get two hours to have our gala time. To do whatever we loved to do. Either in the library, in the music or dance class or in the huge playground of the school the girls used to be scattered based on their preferences.

It took me time but became clear to me that I could neither get a space in music nor in dance as the girls there were fixed who were very close to the trainers.

I lost my playful nature. I lost my vigour. And yes my childhood was killed there. No more fond memories. That wound has not healed yet, it will be buried with my body of this life.

So I chose painting as my hobby and spent the rest of my hostel's life in the school library. I swallowed almost all the books that I could access at that time.

In the hostel, I saw that old lady stealing again. I didn't know whom to say and what to say, I was so scared of that lady. She was like a nightmare personified in a lady. So with that fear, I wrote on the wall with a pencil, "Sujata didi, Shail didi is thief." Sujata didi was the head of all the wardens, the hostel supritendent, the eldest daugter of the director of that hostel.

I don't know how but no one noticed that for about 10 days. One fine evening the supritendent came for the inspection to assess the neatness of the hostel. I don't know again why the girls became so nervous before her arrival. It was the same nervousness that any novice has before facing an interview. She saw what was written on the wall. By that time the coma of what I had written was lost.

So furious she was, at the same moment she assessed the writing of all the girls. I was not there but spending my best time in the library. Still the writing matched with a girl. Though she didn't accept even after a forceful slap which reddened her chick, people sorted out the case considering her the culprit.

Like fire this thing reached in the library too. Girls were talking, "Why did that new girl write on the wall?  We all know that budhiya is thief. But we have never written anywhere! And how dare she tell such a thing about Sujata didi. She won't stop there, there must be something more for her."

Ranju, the poor girl was as poor as me. She too was a depressed new girl. And to add on to her suffering it was more than enough.

I left the book I was reading in the library and ran towards the hostel. She was still crying in pain. I felt guilty and gathering all confidence I said loudly, "I've written that thing. I should get the punishment if that's to be given."

The whole hostel was dumbstruck. One of them said, "You mad girl, why did you say that Sujata didi is thief? Now she won't leave you. Go to her. "

There were senior girls of twefth grade in the other part of our hostel. With my honesty and confidence they were impressed and showed concern for me. I explained to them that I didn't say anything wrong about Sujata didi but just addressed the thing to her.

Sujata didi was relaxed to listen that she was not the thief.

Days kept on passing like that without any chamge. All my expectations and dreams were already dead by then. I didnt wait for my parents on sundays anymore.

All the girls were impatiently waiting for this day. It was 28th of August, the day of Rakhi. All the sisters were too excited for their brothers. One by one the girls were called as their parents were arriving. It was not a sunday so I knew my parents were not coming. I had already accepted my fate. I just shed tears and kept lying on my bed. Something was burning within and may be I in such agonical state my soul would have left. My life had some other plans, it didn't let me go so easily.

An anouncement that gave life to my dying hear at 11 am on that very day, "Anupam Jha, your parents have come. Go and meet them."

I didn't even wear my slippers and ran as fast as I could on the path that made up of stones of all sizes. My whole family had come to meet me. My daddu and baba (gradparents) were also there. I just  stared at them for how long that I don't remember but said nothing. Not even comolained. But they were surprised to see me as so cultured and wekl behaved girl. The girl who never stopped babbling and chit chatting how come she was so quiet. They gave me sweets. Took me for a ride but I just kept on begging, "Please, don't leave me here. I'll do as you say but just don't leave me here. I will be a good girl at home but can't live here." But everyone had already fixed up the minds. They were happy with my transformation. After all, girls should be quiet. How conserved they are that much better the fortune of family is estimated.

To console me they assured that they would take me home but the next day they had to leave me forcibly taking the help from the guard. Those shrieks are still haunting me when I just begged, "Papaji, please don't leave me here. Papaji, I'll never ask for anything just take me home." No one could listen to my broken heart along with those cries. And then my one life ended.

After six months when my papaji came to take me home for the winter vacation, I wasn't willing to go to that place where people had almost forgotten me. I went to South India trip where I had experienced my best moments of childhood but not as a child, as a matured lady.

Anyhow, I spent four years in the same state killing all my dreams. To be very frank, I never saw any dream there. Nightmares didn't scare me in my sleep as they were there with me in the daylight.

There I used to just read and write. I hated to talk with anyone and to avoid the company of the other prisoners I spent my days and night in quititude in the box room where  the luggage boxes of all the girls were kept. The girls who wanted to study in peace used to come there. My journey of writing started there. I remember once I wrote ten page of letter to my papaji but never got a reply of that. Every  week we used to get a postcard to write letters to our relatives. I don't remember how many letters I had written but I wrote to each and every relative of mine. All the letters was read by the supritendent before getting posted and also the letters received by the girls was read by the authorities before reaching them. So my letters left a good impression on our director, whom we addressed as 'Bhaijee'. He used to refer me as Sanyasini as I always looked lost somewhere like holy saints. As he said that to me. With that motivation of appreciation I used to show him my poems.

All the girls were divided into groups from A to P (based on what I remember). Each group had almost 30 girls from all the classes. Each group was allotted with a different task everyday, which included roti making, cutting vegetables, arranging tables for the lunch and dinner, cleaning toilets and washrooms, cleaning school campus etc. Bhaijee used to be there most of the time to check the girls how they were accomplishing their task. I respected him a lot. But all that respect was washed away from my immature mind one day.

It was the celebration of the new year for the first time on 1stJanuary, 2000. Stall of sweets and chat were organized for the girls. We were serious for our tenth examination ahead. So we went there after all the girls had theirs. Bhaijee was picking up the paper plates, spoons and wrappers those were scattered on the ground. Looking at him we too started to do the same. After finishing the cleanliness drive photos were taken. Bhaijee called me, "Hey Sanyasini! Come here! Don't you want a picture with me." I felt honoured with this invitation. Instantly I uttered, "Why not!"

Bhaijee said, "You are a brahmin and I'm a Bhoomihar. So I'm attacking you with a sword, you use your shield."

I didn't like the idea and said, "Why such nautanki (drama)? We can have bettee picture by just standing."

He pulled me towards him and tried to grip me tightly for the photograph. I just pushed him and ran away from there. At that point of time no one had taught me about good touch or bad touch but I didn't feel good with that grip. It didn't end there. It was just a petty incident (as per my view). I didn't talk about this with anyone. In the evening, in our evening prayer in which every day Bhaijee used to give a long monotonous speech before the dinner he took the revenge from me. In his whole speech he made me feel guilty for what I had done. He stressed the same thing, "There is a girl in our holy hostel who thinks that there can be only one relation in between a man and woman. And that too just the physical one. These kind of girls are a threat to our society. We need to throw them away."

That day I felt very strong as I didn't cry. I just thought if I could spend four years in this hell, spending other 3 months won't be much difficult for me.

The next morning when I went to the school. My sanskrit teacher who used to see his lost daughter in me asked me, "Beta, whatever has happened with you is not good. These people are demons. They can do anything. You just stay safe."

As he said I burst out. How could that trifle reached the school campus. It was just absurd. But whom to complain and what to complain. The matter faded with time.

All the girls were touching the feet of Bhaijee for the blessings before leaving for their first exam. I too went to them and said, "Bhaijee, I'm sorry if unitentionally I hurt you. It was instantaneous, I didn't mean to hurt your sentiments. Considering me as your young child forgive me.Please bless me for my examination."

He snatched away his leg as if I was to place a bomb there and said, "You scoundrel! Nasty fellow! Rotten Insect! You will teach me. I'll show you what I can do. Let the result come and you will see what you have sown. Your parents will not get space even to hide their face. Go to hell."

I went for the examination. I saw people asking questions, passing chits but I didn't notice anyone. I went to the head examiner telling him the scenario of the exam room, he said, "Let them do that or else they will fail. Why to waste one more year! You too can do what they are doing."

I clicked a few pictures of the chits and cheating procedures. To my misfortune or their fortune, my camera roll got spoiled and I didn't get except a few pics. I was determined and stubborn throughout the examination. I neither helped anyone nor took help.

Finally that day arrived when I had to leave that rotten place. I felt like a bird who had been released from the prison walls. I was back with my parents. But what distance they had created in my heart that was never crossed. I never became close to eaither my maa or papaji.

I was eagerly waited for my result as based on my estimation I should not have got less than 90%. When my result was revealed I couldn't accept it as my result as my performance had never beem so poor. In Sanskrit I had already calculated the mistakes with my teacher and found that I might not lose more than 5 marks. But my marks!! It was a terrible slap on my face. I got the result not for my performance but for being revolutionary.

This was the end of my worst phase of life. Though I've seen each and every kind of adversities till date but what dreadful experience I had there in the hostel cannot be compared with anything else.

I stayed revolutionary till I got married.

There are a few things which if not disclosed then only it looks better.

Thanks for being so patient!

.........The End.........

©Anupam Mishra